For Me

You don’t really need to read this. But I need to write this. So I am. For me.

 

I don’t know what’s wrong.

But I know SOMETHING is wrong.

My younger daughter, Allie, is 3 years old. For 3+ months she has been complaining her back hurts. For awhile I chalked it up to her diaper rubbing her back or an uncomfortable car seat. I put a soft cloth behind her in the car and bought more expensive, softer diapers. But she kept complaining. Week after week.

So then I thought she must’ve hurt herself somehow. Three year olds. They must get 4,963 injuries a day. She just needed a couple more weeks to let whatever aggravated muscle she had heal.

Two+ months ago she started complaining of chest pain. She’d say her belly hurt, but she’d almost always point to the center of her chest. I tried to pinpoint what times of day this happened. Lunch time. Nap time. Bed time.

She was due for her 3 yr check up anyway, so I mentioned these concerns to the pediatrician. He took some blood and urine and checked her heart. Everything was good. He said it may just be growing pains. He thought acid reflux would be quite rare in a child her age, but it remained a possibility.

I began to give Allie chewable children’s Pepto tablets when she’d complain about her chest. I never could tell if they helped. I also gave her Motrin when she’d complain about her back. I never could tell if it helped either.

Three months into the back symptoms, her complaints became more frequent. Every day, multiple times a day, she’d say her back, belly and chest hurt. She hurts almost every time she lies down. She hurts 40% of the time she sits up. She hurts in her car seat. She hurts at the kitchen table while waiting for her sandwich at lunchtime. She hasn’t eaten lunch at all this week. She’s in tears before the first bite.

I don’t know what’s wrong.

But SOMETHING is wrong.

I took her back to the pediatrician yesterday. He didn’t find anything during her physical exam. So he took more urine and sent her for a chest x-ray and a KUB (x-ray of kidneys, ureters, and bladder). All came back fine. He decided to culture the urine to be sure.

The on-call doctor called this morning to tell us he saw some growth in the over-night culture. He said it didn’t necessarily indicate infection, but he wants to retest her and culture the urine longer. We’ll do that Monday.

Meanwhile, the pediatrician wants us to give her Prevacid for 2 weeks to see if it might be a rare case of reflux. Meanwhile meanwhile, we are to go to a pediatric orthopedist to get his opinion. He will probably order an MRI, which will require Allie to be sedated.

I’m not a worrier. Both my children have broken bones before. Allie was hospitalized as an infant for 4 days with a serious case of RSV/bronchiolitis/pneumonia. And I was never worried then.

And I don’t think I am really “worrying” now. I am not fearful of what might be the problem. I know whatever it is, minor infection or life-altering illness, God is in control, and He is good. I am confident of this.

But I’m not totally at peace. I can’t stop wondering what’s going on with my daughter. I want an answer. I want a solution. I’m tired of the waiting. I’m tired of not being able to alleviate her discomfort. I want to speed up time to get to the bottom of this.

There is good news. Half the time she is running and jumping and dancing and smiling. She is not in constant pain. He is good. And when she is in pain, most of the time she isn’t crying, just stating the facts, “My back hu(r)ts. My beyee hu(t)s.”

But when she hurts too much to eat, when she hurts to the point of tears, when she can’t get comfortable enough to sleep even though she is exhausted, I feel helpless.

feel helpless. But I’m not.

I know the Helper.

I can call on Him.

He may not always choose to help how I’d like Him to, but He is in control. And He is good. And He loves Allie more than I do.

These thoughts give me peace.

If you read this whole thing, even though you didn’t need to, would you call on Him for Allie as well? Thanks.

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