I am teaching my first Bible study sans pre-fabricated material on Thursday. There will be no Beth Moore…no Priscilla Shirer…no fill in the blank workbook… There will just be me. And whatever I come up with – or don’t – is all these women will get.
I’ve decided to teach Hosea. I wanted to pick a book that we all haven’t read a million times. And Hosea has a lot of great stuff tucked away inside. I’ll have enough material for 4-6 talks.
Or so I thought.
Now that I am sitting down to prepare for lesson one, I feel like my brain has been completely extracted from my head. I no longer know how to write complete sentences. I am flipping through commentaries, staring at the pages as if they are written in hieroglyphics, unable to produce a single original thought. I wonder if anyone would notice if I just stood up there and read directly from a commentary on Thursday morning…
Minutes pass… hours pass.
I am beginning to rethink my ENTIRE life’s work. Writer? Speaker? Teacher of the Bible? These are things I cannot do! I must’ve been mistaken when I had inklings that God had gifted me in these ways.
I watch the cars pass by the front window of the coffee shop I am in. (Never end a sentence with a preposition.)
I zone out for large chunks of time. Maybe I just need some food. Or some sleep. I do NOT need more caffeine. Maybe the antibiotic I am on is messing with my head. Or maybe I never learned to read and write! I thought I knew how to do those things, but it is becoming clearer with each passing moment that I have not!
This post is totally weird, no?
Exactly my point.