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How to Forgive Anyone for Anything

May18

(Yikes. Hope this article can really live up to that title…)

(It’s ok, it’s not the words in this post that inspired that title. Scripture inspired that title. So I can go that big with that claim.)

(I probably shouldn’t start a post with a dialogue between me and myself.)

(It’s ok, my readers have come to expect some crazy.)

Now that I have my attention…

As a parent of more than one child, I spend a lot of my time settling sibling disputes. I try to teach the offending child to recognize her wrongdoing, apologize for it, and ask for forgiveness. I try to teach the offended sister to accept the apology by verbally extending forgiveness.

Image courtesy of adamr/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of adamr/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

And it goes over about as well as it sounds like it would. Through gritted teeth, they obey me because they have to, not because their hearts feel much empathy.

As an adult in her 4th decade, I don’t do much better handling my own conflicts. A lot of people struggle with forgiving those who have hurt them. We genuinely want to forgive, but we don’t know how to get there. We don’t want to say we forgive and try to force our hearts to feel forgiving because we all know that doesn’t work. We can’t will ourselves to a place of forgiveness.

Yet, we’re commanded to forgive all over the place in the Bible. One example is Colossians 3:13, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

A lot of times we really want to do this… and we feel guilty when we don’t do this. And we feel angry that we seemingly can’t do this. (I can’t help but think this is all part of Satan’s plan (2 Corinthians 2:10-11).)

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, what do we do?

I got to thinking, what if we’re focusing on the wrong thing? What if mustering up forgiveness isn’t really the place we should start if we want to succeed at forgiving someone?

I know it’s a strange thought, but we’ve already proven time and time again that psyching ourselves up to give our best shot at forgiving rarely (never?) works.

So what if we try something different?

If we read the verses surrounding Colossians 3:13 (namely, verse 12), we get some clues as to how we can improve our chances of forgiving as the Lord forgave us.

Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

This verse - immediately preceding the verse commanding us to forgive all people for all things – says (at least) two important things we need to know and do before we will be ready to forgive well.

1. Recognize Whose we are. Every believer is purposefully hand-picked by God, set apart for Him, and cherished by Him. Maybe instead of jumping prematurely to trying to will ourselves to forgive, we ought to meditate on these three truths about ourselves. When we internalize the implications of our identity in Christ, two things happen: the offense committed against us doesn’t seem quite so important, and our hearts, overcome with humility, start to soften toward the offender, who is really just like us – a sinner in need of a Savior. Forgiveness isn’t going to happen inside the cold, hard hearts of people whose self-worth is wrapped up in what others think of them. So let’s start here and get our heads right.

2. Get dressed. Before we can forgive, we are to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. This is a lot easier to do after we’ve spent some time reflecting on Whose we are. These characteristics seem to start flowing out of us when we are secure and in tune with our Father’s love for us. But trying to forgive without these things going on in our hearts is, as we’ve all experienced, impossible.

After we’ve “completed” verse 12, verse 13 actually becomes attainable! Feeling enveloped in His love, walking in love toward others, we are enabled to, ”Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you,” (Colossians 3:13).

If I can be so bold, we can forgive anybody anything (which is how the Lord forgave us) when we follow these two verses IN ORDER. 

Dare to try it with me?

On Being Mistaken for David Crowder’s Wife

Feb4
English: I am the originator of this photo. I ...

Image via Wikipedia

Thursday night David Crowder played a free acoustic show in Memphis.  And I went.  And it was fabulous, as he always is.

I’ve seen him several times, but this time I was with a friend who knew the head of security at the venue.  And that friend graciously hooked us up with front row seats.  We strolled into a filled auditorium about 10 minutes before showtime, and we were escorted to our posh seats.

Which happened to be in front of a youth group.

And these high school kids were convinced that we had to be somebody famous in order to get these great seats.  Their first guess was that we were the KLOVE deejays sponsoring and emceeing the concert.

I kind of chuckled at that idea and politely informed them that we were not Amy, Craig, nor Kankelfritz.

As my friends and I sat there and talked, one of the youth group kids got out an impressive camera and tried to nonchalantly take my picture.  With a gigantic flash.  Four or five times.

His friend said he was camera happy.

Then the show started.  And between songs, David told several funny, personal stories.

In the middle of a story about a trip he and his wife had taken to Hawaii, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I looked behind me, and a different youth group kid said, “Excuse me, ma’am?”

I shuddered.  How old did he think I was?!

“You don’t happen to be David Crowder’s wife, do you?”

I laughed, and replied, “Noooo….?”

Then his other friend explained, “Ohhhh, we thought you must be because of the way you were smiling and laughing while he told that story…like you knew exactly what he was talking about or something…”

I couldn’t believe it.

I couldn’t believe a) how utterly convinced these kids were that I was famous, and b) how desperate they were to rub elbows with someone famous.

(No slam against highschoolers.  Adults are this way, too, which is why People magazine and E! exist.)

(I cannot post links to People magazine and E! in this particular post without completely going against the very point I am trying to make.  But I feel it is important to point out I am not against these entities when they are used for entertainment purposes instead of places to find self-worth.)

Point a) just reminded me of how easily we can believe something that is false.  It doesn’t take much for us to label something as “true” and resist all evidences presented to us that what we actually believe is false.  Knowing this about ourselves, we have to guard against this tendency by constantly exposing ourselves to THE truth.

Point b) reminded me of the human desire for significance.  We all want to feel significant, and, if we don’t feel significant on our own, we at least want to be associated with someone who we believe is significant – i.e., celebrities.

But the truth of the matter is we don’t have to settle for association with celebrities.

We have access to the most Famous One of all.  If we want to, we can be God’s groupie.  All people everywhere have heard of Him in some form or fashion.  They may not have accurate views of Him – they may  call Him Mother Nature or Allah or Spirit Guide – but they have a concept of God.

(Note: having a concept of God does not solve one’s sin problem.  Therefore, a concept cannot save anyone.)

For those of us who know God personally through Jesus, we have direct communication with God.  All we need to do is talk about Him to others if we want to feel significant by association.

But that’s really just settling, too.  Association with God is great, but it isn’t the end all be all of our significance.

We aren’t significant because we know God or because we’ve talked to God or because we’ve gotten God’s autograph.

(Ok, the celebrity metaphor just fell apart.  Wah-waaaah.)

We are significant because the One True God loves us.

That’s it.

God loves us beyond words.  We are infinitely valuable to Him.  He made us.  He desires relationship with us.  All of us.

Unlike celebrities, God is personally invested in us.  He delights in us.

God says in Isaiah 43:4 that, “[we] are precious and honored in [His] sight…and [He] love[s] [us].”

(New personal record for use of [ ]‘s in a single sentence.)

Zephaniah 3:17 says God delights in us and rejoices over us.

Significance.

It is not found in being David Crowder’s wife, though I am sure he is a lovely husband.

It is not found in speaking to David Crowder’s wife, though I am sure she is a lovely woman.

It is found in being the one in whom God delights.

And you, friend, are that one.