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So You’ve Had an Abortion…

Jan23

Yesterday was the 40th anniversary of legalized abortion in the U.S.

Both sides marked the occasion by posting emotional Facebook status updates, perplexed by the fact that the other side can’t see how morally wrong they are. (You can read my status here.)

The pro-choicers and the pro-lifers both fight for rights, women’s rights on the one hand and babies’ rights on the other.

But in the midst of the argument, let’s not lose sight of another group involved in the topic: the women who have had abortions.

abortionHeritage.org says 55 million babies have been aborted in the last 40 years in the U.S. Even if we assign 2 abortions per woman, we get the extremely conservative figure that at least 27 million women have had abortions in the last 40 years.

An article from 2011 claims 35% of American women will have had an abortion by age 45. This stat was confirmed on the news last night.

I am currently writing in a coffee shop in which 7 women under the age of 45 are going about their lives. Chances are at least 2 have had an abortion.

And I wonder how they’re doing today.

I wonder if they need to hear they are loved, despite their past decisions.

I wonder if they need to experience tangible grace from those around them.

I wonder if they need a hug.

I wonder if they need someone to listen to them unload their tears and their feelings of guilt they’ve carried around since the moment their decision to abort became a reality.

I wonder if they need another flesh and blood woman to wrap them in their arms and whisper, “I am so sorry,” in their ears.

I know they are hurting. Even if they don’t 100% regret their decisions to abort, I am certain they experience flashes of suffocating guilt from time to time… maybe even daily.

For those of us who have never had an abortion, we focus on the morality of the issue a handful of times each year, if that much.

But women who have had abortions think about it every day. Studies suggest 78-85% regret their abortions or have negative reactions to their abortions, including depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

These women need love. They need grace. They need to learn how to forgive themselves. They need emotional healing. They need the Church to show them what Jesus offers each one of us (including those who have had abortions). They need redemption.

What are some tangible ways we can get involved, Church?

(Dis)Unity

Apr10

Our church is entering a time of transition.  A couple of weeks ago, our senior pastor of almost 9 years announced that he and his family are headed to the mission field full-time.  They leave in less than 3 months.  And so the process of finding an interim senior pastor and, eventually, a permanent senior pastor is beginning.

Our church is led by a group of elected elders.  They vote on things to make the decisions for our church (1 Timothy 5:17).  Members can speak freely to the elders at any time, but, ultimately, members do not decide the direction of the church.  The elders do.

In any type of government, ecclesiastical or secular, there is potential for disunity among the governed.  And during times of transition, that potential is even greater.

And I fear the church-fracturing effects of possible dissension within our body at a time like this.

Dave Ramsey has a rule in his corporation.  If you have a problem, a gripe, a complaint of any kind, you can voice it up the chain of command without fear of penalty.  But if you voice it to an employee under you or equal to you in authority, you are fired on the spot.  Why?  Because Dave understands the crippling potential of unhealthy criticism within a body of people.

I fear that members of our church will begin to voice their negative opinions to one another on how they feel the pastoral search is going, spreading disunity like gangrene, focusing our body on lesser things than spreading the Gospel (Romans 15:5-6).

(I fear this not because our church is especially disgruntled but because our church is made up of humans, and humans, as we all know, are bent toward discontent.  So, while this particular post is about my fear for my church, I also fear for your church and the Church at large.)

To be clear, I am all for members voicing their negative opinions to senior staff members and elders.  Do it!  Do it in love (1 Corinthians 16:14; Ephesians 4:15).  You have a voice.  If you feel things are going in the wrong direction, speak up.  But speak up to those who have the ability to change things, NOT to your fellow members.   Spreading negativity within the congregation is not fruitful.  In fact, the destructive effect of such speech cannot be overstated.

And it plays right into Satan’s hand.

Satan wants our church to fold.  He wants us to split over whoever the new senior pastor is.  He wants to divide us, pitting members against members, directing our attention to ourselves and our preferences so we will have no energy left to spend on loving people like Jesus did.  Satan wants to stir our pride against our elders to convince us that they are incompetent so we dwell on our anger and bitterness each Sunday instead of worshiping our resurrected Lord together.

Paul understood what was at stake.

In Ephesians Paul wrote, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace,” (Ephesians 4:3-4).

In Colossians he wrote, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity,” (Colossians 3:12-14).

Part of this unity that we should strive for includes submitting to the elders – and their decisions – even if we disagree with them.  The author of Hebrews puts it succinctly, “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you,” (Hebrews 13:17).

We won’t always agree with our leaders.  And that’s okay.  What matters is what we do with our disagreements.  We can handle them rightly by discussing them with those in authority over us, or we can handle them wrongly – sinfully – by discussing them with those around us.  Ultimately, though, Scripture commands us to submit to those in authority over us, whether we like it or not.

If you are in a church where you are unwilling to submit to its leaders, figure out why that is.  The leaders may not be acting in accordance with Scripture.  If that’s the case, leave that church!  Go find a Bible believing church to be a part of.

But if it turns out you are unwilling to submit to the leaders for personal reasons instead of biblical reasons, ask the Lord to work the rebellion out of your heart.  Ask Him to cut out your bitterness and your pride.  Ask Him to help you authentically and properly submit to your church leaders and, more importantly, to Him.

Your church’s unity – THE Church’s unity – depends on it.

Spiritual Legacy: A Passion is Born

Mar17

As a former skeptic, when I became a believer in high school, I was insanely focused on knowing why I believed what I believed.  For my own sense of security, I needed to discover the facts behind the doctrine I was being taught at church.

So I dove into the Bible.  I read.  And I had questions.  Lots of questions.

God knew that would be the case, so He strategically placed some knowledgeable people in my life to help me understand what the Bible was saying and why it was saying it.

Remember that youth pastor, Darryl, that showed up the same day I did at Central Church?  We hit it off, and he discipled me my first year at Central.  That means he took the time to teach me about God one on one.  Because I was a senior in high school, that was the only year I got with Darryl.  And, you know by now, I don’t consider our paths crossing a coincidence.

My time learning from Darryl was crucial to solidifying my faith.  A lot of people make decisions to believe in Christ, but they fall by the wayside, never fully developing an understanding of the Bible or Christianity because no one is there to take them under their wing and teach them.  But the Lord was gracious to me and placed two such people in my life that year.

image via Tyndale.com

The other guy, Stephen, was the intern for our youth group.  He had a ton of Bible knowledge in part because his dad, a pastor, is a walking Bible.  But Stephen was also a college student studying Biblical Studies and Theology at the time, so he was game for any question I could throw at him.  We exchanged many book-long emails discussing the finer points of free will, predestination, and the meanings of words in the original Hebrew and Greek manuscripts.  I learned a lot.  Perhaps the most important thing I learned was, as Josh McDowell says, “Never has an individual been called upon to commit intellectual suicide in trusting Christ as Savior and Lord” (More Than a Carpenter).

If my junior year of high school was the year I discovered Jesus, my senior year was the year I discovered my passion for the Bible.  And that passion would infiltrate the rest of my life.

Spiritual Legacy: Getting Over My Fear of Church

Mar13

After I decided Jesus was legit, and after I started reading the Bible some, the next logical step was for me to start attending a church. (Logical to the believers around me, that is; the concept was lost on me for quite awhile).

But that idea terrified me.  So I spent the next 5 months refusing to go.  My friends would invite me, my stomach would knot up, and I would reject the offer, over and over again.

I was afraid of church.

I was afraid that all the other kids in the youth group would already know everything in the Bible.  I was afraid they’d been learning the stories from birth, and I’d stick out like a sore thumb.  I was scared I might be called on to read from the Bible or to answer a question about a Bible story, and I just couldn’t risk that kind of humiliation.

I was also afraid that when it came time to leave Sunday school and attend service that I’d have no one to sit with.  I imagined that all youth group kids went and sat with their perfect little families during the service.  I didn’t have a family to sit with, and I didn’t want to be any other family’s third wheel.

But God knew these fears would keep me from going to church.  So He eliminated them.

Not in some hocus pocus kind of way, but in a practical way.

When I grew brave enough to tell my friends why I was afraid of church, they were able to address my concerns. After many conversations, they finally convinced me that Sunday school was not an environment where everyone knew more than me about the Bible.  On the contrary, it was a non-threatening environment with 80+ kids, and I wouldn’t be expected to say a word.  Fear number one eliminated.

Also, turns out the group of kids that I had been hanging out with all went to church without their families.  (I don’t believe in coincidences.  God had this in His plan as He guided my parents to move me to Memphis instead of Alaska, to enroll me in the 8th grade instead of the 9th, and to put me in the Collierville school district instead of the Houston school district.)

My church friends either had parents that went to different churches, or they all went to the same church but didn’t sit together during the service.  Most of the youth group kids sat together, as opposed to with their individual families.  My friends didn’t even drive to the church with their parents; they drove themselves.   Fear number two eliminated.

I was really left without any valid reason to avoid church any longer.  In May, 2000, my friend, Jonathan, who “just happened” to live on my street, picked me up for my first day at church.  We drove across town and picked up Chris, and we headed to Central Church.

I was indescribably nervous (yet, here I am describing) as I walked into the Senior High area.  There were more kids than I could count, and there were adults hugging and shaking hands with each student as they entered the room.  It appeared that these kids and these adults had relationships….on purpose…and the kids liked it…how foreign to most teenagers.  And then it occurred to me, “Oh no, they are going to realize I am new.”  I didn’t want any attention drawn to me, so I tried to pretend like I’d been there before.  I played the part, shook their hands, smiled, and walked through the door.

Knowing these adults all these years later, I am certain that they were aware that it was my first time that day.  They care enough about people to notice that kind of thing.  But they didn’t make me feel new.  They didn’t ask me one hundred questions or make the mistake of saying, “I’ve never seen you here before!  What’s your story?!”  They let me come in, sit down, and take it all in.  Perfect.

When Sunday school began, three of my friends stood up in front with their acoustic guitars and led us in some songs.  I had no idea there were guitars at church!  I was excited.  Music consumed much of my life back then, so they were speaking my language.  I didn’t know any of the songs they were singing, but I liked them well enough.

After worship Don Gilbert stood in front of the youth group and introduced the new youth pastor, Darryl Lawler.  Darryl spoke for a few minutes, and I was immediately drawn to him.  His sincerity, his love, his joy.  In short, I was drawn to Jesus in Darryl.  It was fitting that Darryl and I were both there for the first time that Sunday.  He would become a key part of my spiritual growth that year.

After I survived Sunday school, my friends and I headed over to the sanctuary for service.  We walked into a massive worship center and sat down.  I watched as families filled the pews, thankful to be able to sit with my friends.  I don’t remember any particulars about the service, but, clearly, I survived that too.

That first visit to a church was a critical step in my spiritual formation.  I went back the next week.  And the next.  Eventually, I met my husband at that church, I was employed at that church, my kids were born at that church (not AT that church, but you know what I mean), my oldest goes to preschool at that church, and I now teach the Bible at that church.

Fear almost kept me from all of this.  Praise God He helped me overcome that fear by using just the right people at just the right time.

When Church is Messy

Feb22

In the past four months, two men on senior staff at my church have resigned.  By all accounts, these men love the Lord, His Word, and His Church with their whole beings.  Yet, on separate occasions, each man stood before the congregation and announced his decision to step down, but neither man said why.  Both times the congregation was left to draw its own conclusions.  And people rarely conclude anything positive in these situations. In fact, most of us assume the worst and lack the discipline to not contribute to the various conspiracy theories that are circulating.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I respond to these kinds of sudden, mysterious changes in leadership at my church with anger, bitterness, and skepticism.  I don’t like tangible proof that forces me to acknowledge that the Church is messy.  My church.  Your church.  The Church universal.  I like to operate as if the Church can and should be perfect and blameless.  I hold the Church to a higher standard.  If a problem arises, mature Christians ought to solve them lovingly each and every time.  It doesn’t matter what the issue is, if the people love the Lord and are submitted to Him, my heart says there should never be division.

The problem with that perspective, though, is it fails to take into account that Christians are just as fallen as everybody else.  We are just as prone to giving in to our sinful tendencies as the rest of the world.  We don’t always see the truth; we don’t always act lovingly; we don’t always choose to obey the Lord in every situation.  We rebel.  We choose self over Christ.  We dig our heels in when we think we are right, no matter the cost.  We also often misunderstand the Scriptures and unintentionally misinterpret the Lord’s will.  Our imperfect thinking and our naturally unruly hearts result in pain and strife more often than Christians want to admit.

It is no wonder, then, that the Church is messy.  As much as I want the Church to be perfect, it never will be this side of Heaven.  So what are we to do with that?  I am thinking we have to find a way to live that shows an unbelieving world that, despite our screw ups, we still have something they desperately need.

We have to highlight the fact that when Church is messy, it’s not because the God of that Church slacked off or made a mistake or isn’t as good/powerful as the people of the Church claim.  Church is messy because it is full of broken people.  Just like the world.  The world is messy because it is full of broken people.  When churches fight, divide, collapse, or otherwise stumble, they are illustrating in bright, bold colors how desperately they need a savior!  After all, if the Church, full of God’s people, can’t get it right, for crying out loud, who can?

The answer is no one.  The Bible says, “There is no one who is righteous…All have turned away, and they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good” (Romans 3:10-12).  But, “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly [read: all of us!]…God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us,” reconciling us to Himself, saving us from the mess we insist on creating (Romans 5:6-8).

It doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong in my church’s situation.  What matters is that we remember this truth: WE NEED THE LORD!  We are fully incapable of “doing church well” without Him.  He is our source of truth, peace, and power.  Without Him, all our works are rubbish (Philippians 3:8-9). If we want to overcome our sinful selves, we need, “Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” (Philippians 3:20).

He can do more than I can imagine….  I am imagining a Church that isn’t messy.  He can do more…  He can make a Church that is clean (Revelation 21:1-4).